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No Time for a Hasty Decision


This morning, I awoke reflecting on yesterday. What I've been complaining to my wife recently about is that I'm always feeling attacked by my bosses. Like all things, there is some truth to it and some error in perception. I felt I should read a bit about defensiveness, just to get an idea of how it's happening with me and what I can do to stop it. I came up with the following diagram:


from these really simple and straight forward articles:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-cycles-fear-cycles/201805/why-do-people-get-so-defensive
https://www.amazon.com/Love-Cycles-Fear-Connection-Relationship/dp/1590794400
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-be-yourself/201805/how-stop-getting-defensive

I see my problem, it's that I assume that people are coming from a bad place, and I just can't shake that. But even if people are coming from a bad place (whatever that means to me), I still have to find ways to turn it around. I have to work with all kinds of people, I have to love my wife, my child. I have to be able to respond to criticism, and to wait until I have something good to say.

I have developed some bad habits over the course of the years. Bad habits that are the sign of a wounded man. In order to not let wounds fester, I have to start living a more healthy life. I am so much of the time treating myself as though I am supposed to be beat up and broken down. Getting punched and getting a whooping are things that are going to happen; maybe I should come to expect that they are going to happen instead of being surprised all of the time. And maybe I can help myself to mitigate some conflict. If I'm so defensive, perhaps I should stop being so critical and drawing out people's criticism of me.

My devotional reading for the day examined the rod and the staff. God uses the staff to guide us and the rod to teach us what to pay attention to. One scripture stood out to me:

Isaiah 28:16 King James Version (KJV)16 Therefore thus saith the Lord God, Behold, I lay in Zion for a foundation a stone, a tried stone, a precious corner stone, a sure foundation: he that believeth shall not make haste.

I'm always running around, from thing to thing, with great urgency and haste. I'm certain it is dizzying to others. And in its own way is repulsive and maybe a bit attractive... but mostly repulsive, I have found. I am reminded of Lincoln's statement:

Give me six hours to chop a tree, and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.

Heavenly Father, help me to not respond in kind, but to respond kindly. And may I go a step further and lay kindness at the feet of others so that there trail to me (and perhaps some part of the world) is blazed in love.

In Jesus Name,

Amen

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