Recently I read a Gottman's Marriage Minute post: Brick by Brick. In Science PLC this week we talked about bringing a weakness to the table, and I'm thinking I'm going to bring my know-it-all-ness; combined with my impatience it leads to jumping way ahead of where we actually are, justifying the leap because "I know what we have to do". Evidence: we were supposed to do a Priority Tasks activity with teachers to develop a 4 week plan. Brooks said, you can't start at the plan if the people don't know how to properly plan.
With Jess, I want to be further down the road than we are. I want the knowing glances between us to course deeper than they do. We are sooner to quarrel than hug. Joking is dangerous ground between us. The chance for misunderstanding is so high. And, of course, we have reasons. We are stretched thin, we are maxed, we don't have room for anything above our current considerations. And when we offer something, we want it to be received in kind. Yesterday, Jess thanked me for being a hero. I said, I didn't think I did that much to help, to which she responded, "Let me have this". She was giving me something to help push our relationship forward and she wanted me to let her have the advance.
For someone who thinks big sweeping thoughts, it can be difficult to think small thoughts, to pay attention to itty bitty things that are right now things. I prefer to pay attention to the bigger things, to assign time and effort to those, and I tend to dismiss the little things as temporary. The adjustment that I am making these days, or at least beginning to see, is that the big things are necessary to keep into focus. Things like leading my family in the Lord, having my family know they are supported, phone calls every Sunday, eating right and exercise, developing a highly intuitive website, a good sex life, writing music, all kinds of things, are important to have values to esteem. But you can't get to high value without building to it. "Easy come, easy go," they say. And Keith Green once wrote, "to find yourself, you've got to start right here."
Heavenly Father, my I "start right here". I get down the road from where I actually am, and its unreal. Help me to be where I am, help to love and fight, and believe right where I am. It's not where I want to be, but let the tension between where I want to be and where I am lead me to take a step in the right direction, not to ignore the road and journey, and daydream about a better place.
In Jesus Name,
Amen
Gottman Marriage Minute: Brick by Brick
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