Jess and I have been going through the struggles of middle-aged-ness. I've gotten heavier. I'm searching for renewed meaning in the face of the consistent sameness I experience on the day to day. Our sex life is lacking something. For Jess, I think the same things could be said.
At the same time, there is a lot to be excited about! We're moving out of home ownership into a "lighter" way of living, considering job prospects and next options, and wondering about school for Sadie.
I come to find that no matter the age, there is always a lot going on. But each age has its characteristic struggles. As I come on my 40s, I have a lot to think about regarding the way I do life. It's a pivotal age in considering how long I want to do life. Given my family's age, how well I want to do life. And given my own disposition, how much do I want out of life?
These considerations really began at sex. I was thinking about quality vs quantity, and how the God way of doing things would almost certainly land on the quality side of things, whereas I tend to fall on the quantity side of things (as an indicator to quality). In other words, for my part, doesn't quality also include quantity? Isn't an amount of good the first step to pure existence in good?
Practically speaking, I would say the answer is yes, but again, I don't know that God would agree.
Which brings me to a final reflection on midde-age, or any age. The key to successful navigation of a period of life is not reliant on practical application of wisdom. Of course, that does not hurt. No amount of wisdom should be short changed. But the key is in investment with God. I have never been through the stage that I am facing right now. I don't have a clear idea on the successful navigation, but God has a plan for me. The highest display of consistency in wisdom would be seek out God's plan.
Back to quantity vs quality. It is clear to me that quality is the chief aim. But sometimes quantity must be used to arrive there. If I pray everyday, it is for all the reasons one prays, but also, in those, a frequency of opportunities to assess my praying life. In that way, quantity is kind of like the law, in that it is a tutor to bring us to grace (quality).
Now, before I start sounding to Zen-and-the-Art-of-Motorcycle-Maintenance,
Heavenly Father, I am a sinner all of the time. But I am a Christian all of the time, too. The good and the bad are rolled together in one wholly unholy mass. And yet, holiness is in me, too. Tutor me through quantities of the right things, but let me not lose sight of the quality of life You are after.
In Jesus Name,
Amen
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