Reluctantly crouched at the starting line...

What about overconfidence? Do I spend too much time thinking about what could be and not enough time evaluating what is? Is that why have feelings of insufficiency and self-doubt? It's worth considering. This morning I thought through all the areas that I expect to excel: relationships, my work and leadership, management and support of my household. And I even consider myself excelling in all of these areas; I'm at least above average, right? But what if I wasn't? What if I was below average? What if my impediment (my reluctance to embrace what is right now) is the thing that is keeping me from more health and wellness? From shalom. 

When I was depressed in my 20s, out of work, feeling absolutely insufficient and worthless and living in degeneracy, I had a revelation about how to proceed. It wasn't a spectacular revelation that changed my life in the blink of an eye. It was a gritty revelation. One that required a grind (love you Memphis). I had to choose to do the things that I was supposed to. At least the bare minimums. Get up, get dressed. Get a job. Go to work everyday. Find a wife. Build a career. Build a family. It was one foot in front of the other on the path of Divine Providence. 

And maybe now this is the same thing. Coming to clarity on my "reluctance" is the first step. The next being a choice of embracing what is. 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Distance_(Cake_song)

https://www.hindustantimes.com/education/10-signs-of-confidence-and-overconfidence/story-M3wLuLvQv3l6ddXIRomNfJ.html 

Excerpts:

Whenever I ask people to accept themselves unconditionally and be proud of who they are, the invariable response is, “But won’t that make me over-confident and arrogant?”

Genuine confidence has nothing to do with pride and arrogance. It is just an honest acknowledgment of our innate capabilities.

1 Really confident people do not try to prove anything to anyone.

Now let’s come to over-confidence. It stems from deep feelings of inadequacy and an inability to cope with life. It is a compensatory mechanism to mask self-doubt. Arrogance is one way in which over-confidence raises its ugly head.

5 They do not feel fully satisfied with life and usually remain unhappy.

6 People display overconfidence because they do not feel good about themselves.

How to be confident

6 The only thing wrong with you is the thought that something is wrong with you. Instead of trying to fix yourself, confidently reveal yourself.

10 Remember that you have a free will to change, grow, evolve, transform, blossom and bloom. The power of choice always remains with you.