In the Morning When I Rise

After being away with the boys on the basketball trip in Illinois, I've been thinking a lot about team, and being a good teammate. And I contrast that with how I've been in our building. I remember having a meeting in Brooklyn in my last year with the principal (Kathy) and 2 APs (Kentia and Roberta) and I had to sign a letter where I was referred to as "toxic". I was shocked. How could they think I was toxic? I was trying to bring about change in the school, more relevancy to the advisory program, and a legitimate aim for attendance, grade, and behavior data in the school. But it was a singular effort. Then, as now, I was not able to recruit others to my cause. I still fault that leadership team at WCHS for not bringing me in the fold, so to speak, but perhaps they had given up on me by then. They recognized that I was not going to be a good fit in that team, and gave me reason to set sail. I find myself in a similar pattern now. I find myself isolated, feeling t...

Stay woke! is such a poignant expression for our time. It alludes to the fact that we are so prone to sleep, that is that we are ever wanting a way of comfort. We are wanting the way of ease. But when we prioritize comfort and ease, we find a lethargy of spirit also ensues. "Stay woke" makes me think of another phrase I love, "keep your eyes peeled". Don't let the skins stay over your eyes so you can't see, peel back the veiling layer to see more than what's right in front of you. The chief difficulty with choosing the way of comfort or the way of ease is that it is a deception, because life is not easy. The winners are only those who pursue their goals with urgency and vigor. As a Christian, I pursue the path of winning also, but it looks a little different for me. For my path is not finding a winning of my own, but laying hold of the winning that Christ accomplished for me all those years ago. Christs win was resounding and pushes to the furthest ...

You get to a know a person because they repeat themselves. And you cannot know a person if they do not repeat themselves, if they are not reliable. And this repeat  does not necessarily need words, the repetitious actions that have become our habitude speak for themselves, but it is often helpful when the repeater is self-aware and can explain where they are coming from. God repeats Himself. Whereas we want to say something once and make sure it lands, that it sticks, God doesn't mind saying something until it sticks. Combining His mission-oriented nature with His incredible focus, it's no wonder He gets what He is after! What is He after? Our good, of course. He is relentlessly focused on bringing out the best in us, not the us born of the world, but the us born of Him. The seed He has planted He works until fruiting; He did begin in the garden, didn't He? And look at what a focused pursuit from then until now. He will not give up until we are wholly His. How good,...

This morning, I awoke reflecting on yesterday. What I've been complaining to my wife recently about is that I'm always feeling attacked by my bosses. Like all things, there is some truth to it and some error in perception. I felt I should read a bit about defensiveness, just to get an idea of how it's happening with me and what I can do to stop it. I came up with the following diagram: from these really simple and straight forward articles: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-cycles-fear-cycles/201805/why-do-people-get-so-defensive https://www.amazon.com/Love-Cycles-Fear-Connection-Relationship/dp/1590794400 https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-be-yourself/201805/how-stop-getting-defensive I see my problem, it's that I assume that people are coming from a bad place, and I just can't shake that. But even if people are coming from a bad place (whatever that means to me), I still have to find ways to turn it around. I have to work with a...

Yesterday I spoke to Diane about feeling "ditched and dissed" regarding prayer stuff. I thought that we had developed something of a friendship and so when she had seemingly left me in the dust it brought up old pains of when that had happened with waning friendships before. But, as ever, upon daring to call someone about a wrong, I have to look inside and see where I may be wrong. The thought that has been coming back to me is "projection". Recently spoke to Drew, and I harped on my chief criticism being a lack of Christ at the helm, of radical belief in Jesus Christ. But as I put my daughter to sleep and we prayed in Jesus Name, I wondered about the potency of the prayer. Could it be that I am the one that doesn't radically believe in Jesus? I know this is an area that I have to trust Jesus in. I have to stay away from the "I should be", but I must be sure to attend the answer to the question, "what now, Lord Jesus". Paul sent a trus...

"Our part is to learn the tune, and not be discouraged during the rests" John Ruskin (SitD) I'm the kind of guy that wants to skip ahead to the end, work it all out, then fix any mistakes I made along the way. And I think there's a place for that. I think sometimes we have to "get to the end already". But there are some things that are too important to God for Him to skip to the end. When it becomes clear that there is a lesson to learn, God will keep us on that part until we finally work with Him to deal with it. I picture the way that I learned the guitar, self-taught. But what if I had an instructor? When I was playing scales, the instructor would be more demanding of the cleanness of the playing, the precision. They would say, "you need to practice that 100 times at different rhythms and I'm going to test you next week." If I didn't do the homework I would fail the test. The instructor would not be able to move on until I learned...

Yesterday morning, before waking, I had a thought about two contrasting ideas: one of restoration and one of escape. And this was the manner of the contrast: restorative vs escapades I thought that the terms themselves were illustrative. Restorative bears in it the sense of continuing, while escapade is singular, an event that happens one time. In context of my life, I thought that I've been spending much time in escapes. My electronics, music, some of my bedroom tendencies. But maybe it's not just the escape aspect that's not good for me (we all have to escape bad things, right?), but the hiding that's associated with it. My escapes are "run and hide" events. Restorative practices, on the other hand, restore what is there already, and for the purpose of going right back into the thick of things. Restoration is exactly what you need to live successfully in reality. With that in mind, I need to get back to some basic principles I had a while back,...

This morning as I reflected "do not thing of yourself more highly than you ought" popped into my head. SitD passage today was on "the living God". Putting the two together, I pray, is appropriate in this case. As I was thinking about God, and thinking about what valleys I'm stuck in, circling the mountain, I begin to think about how much better I am than my boss at things. I cannot remember all of the specific thoughts that I had that followed, but at some point I knew that I had to reflect on the scripture above (Rom 12:3). I found this article: https://www.paultripp.com/articles/posts/more-highly-than-you-ought Some time ago, I had heard in my ear to hear, "knowledge puffeth up", because I know that I am very fond of my knowledge. I am seated on it. I believe that it holds me up... it is likely, however, that it is the very thing that is holding me down. How does a man climb a mountain when, believing he knows all that he knows to climb ...

I don't know if I'm altogether down with the notion, but it certainly makes sense. SitD for today is all about the prerequisite of being in a place of rest to hear God. The contention from me comes when I see all manner of Psalmist saying, "I cried out... and the Lord heard me", or "in the midst of my storm". But I guess that the answer could have come in time of calm after the storm, and the Psalmists reflected back and realized that God was there all along. Being amateur as I am in faith, and to some degree untested, I hear CS Lewis in the back of my mind with words from Mere Christianity. To summarize and paraphrase: we may have all manner of experience with God, as the man in the desert, but without theology, without systematic study, application, learning and wisdom in the things of God. George Matheson writes, and I read, that calm is needed to hear God. That God will not speak amidst the turmoil of a frantic and busy life. I think, fretfully, w...

Eph 6:5-6 Am I paying lip service to my bosses? Yeah, sometimes. I tell them what they want to hear so that I don't ruffle feathers. Or, I may, on the other side, give them a hard time because I don't agree with what they're saying or doing. With renewed commitment, Father, let me pursue obedience, order, transparency, and good for the folks I am working for. In Jesus Name, Amen.

God comforts us not to make us comfortable but to make us comforters. John Henry Jowett I woke up this morning thinking about how tricky it is to live in reality, continuously. Reality is a very shifty entity, for it is only right now. At any given moment, I can be living in the past, living in the future, living in a fantasy. Now, there is a subtle difference between living in the past, future or fantasy and experiencing the past, future, or fantasy. It's sort of a difference in how those non-nows are held. Living in them is sort of like being beheld. Experiencing is more like we behold. Not sure if that exactly clears it up. But staying in the present requires constant assessment. Where am I now, what am I doing? Why? These questions must be asked quickly and responded to quickly. Ideally in fragmentary seconds. Of course, sometimes it is necessary to dwell on such questions, but in the day to day to dwell on these questions, given the context of what is happening, for t...

Several thoughts in scripture this morning. Praying for guidance in the Bible study coming up in February (Heb 5:14), and now coming across scriptures that attest to that kind of sharpening skill that flows from consistent use and practice (Deut 5:32, Psalm 37:4, Isaiah 30:21). In these scriptures there is all manner of really good advice. It's important to go in the direction that you're supposed to. Really important. Duet 5:32 The direction you are being led is the direction that you're heart is most truly meant for. Psalm 37:4 The direction you are being led in, you ARE actually being led in. Isaiah 30:21 As you persist in doing what you're supposed to do you get better and better at it. Heb 5:14  Lord Jesus, I pray to persist in the way that You are leading me (Heb 5:14). Help me to pursue the right Thing , not a thing at all, namely, YOU! (Psalm 37:4). I pray to hear clearly your voice, saying, "this is the way!" (Isaiah 30:21). And I pray...

So often I just want things to be easy. I sit to pray, I want instantly to be swept up in the Spirit of prayer, caught up in God and out "work together". But it is not easy. I think it's simple, but not easy. Everyday we experience challenges that help to shape us. These challenges call us to a higher life. If a word could be given their prompting it would be: RISE! SitD today told of the story of the preemptively freed moth. Before the moth could struggle through it's impossibly small cocoon hole, a "savior" snipped the tiny opening to ease the moth's release. This permanently disabled the moth, and led to its early death. The struggle this moth was to experience was God's design: in order to fill it's wings with fluid it had to struggle through that tiny opening, which pushes fluid from the body to the wings. Lord Jesus, I want things to be easy, but ceaselessly I feel Your answer to this to be "NO". You will not allow me to li...

This morning CS Lewis conveyed to me in Mere Christianity many ideas I think I will have to go back and examine, but one key idea was the idea of why some people seem to get more of God than others. Lewis likened God's reality, His revealed self, to sunshine in a mirror (or something like that). If the mirror is mucky then it will not be very good at reflecting the radiance of the sun. In a similar way, if a man is mucky, if his heart is impure, his mind unclean, then he will not be able to absorb the light. The light will be distorted and hazy, obscured. I envy men who are able to jump out and take hold of God offers them. I envy men, if I'm being honest, who are able to jump out and take hold of much less than God. They have confidence, they know they will acquire what they are after. Where does it come from, this confidence? Is it real or imagined? In any case, I know that God would have us be confident, especially if our life is in Him. So, these are my prayers today...

Isaiah 43:2 It's been about 3 weeks since I last post. This always happens on breaks, that somehow I take a break from Christianity, showing me that my Christianity could be seen from the outside as a self-management tool, more than a way of life: I read and pray in the morning daily when work is in session, but when out of session, all things are on hold. At the same time, matching up to today's scripture, it makes sense in some regard that I would "take a break" from the routine during break time. SitD for today made a big deal about one having to come to a place of need before being given power to meet that need: "God does not open paths for us before we come to them". So, my biggest challenge when coming to break time is not seeing that, although break is a time for rejuvenating and maybe changing up the routine, but I still have a need to be in communion with God. Lord, I have seriously taken a break. I feel heavy with food consumption, my mind f...