Grace Under Pressure

As I continue to think about this crossroads my family and I are on, I continue to think about the changes I have long wanted to make, that have long been with me. Recently, Booker and I spoke about aging, and losing a few steps. He had recently missed a criteria in a competition, he used tri-boards rather than a PPT, and he was embarrassed and reflective about it. I assured him that he was still sharp as a tack, but that he had not been pushed to excellence. This morning I come round about to that idea again.

"You can't have diamonds without pressure", is the classic adage. Keys has said it, "I am intrinsically motivated, but I'm not being pushed to be my best". I feel the same way. But as I'm being reflective on the whole, I advance insight into home life. There are areas of my love life, my weight, hobby production, that I wish were more accomplished. But they're not. And if they're not, it's because there is no real pressure to make those things great.

Yesterday I had a conversation with DaCharius about "why be great?". We both were kind of at a loss. Eventually, I said, "to be rather than to seem", that is my great motivator. I concluded, "I want to be the shit." We embraced on that, and carried on.

I juxtapose the ideas of the pursuit of greatness (internal) and pressure (external) and wonder how the two might be brought together. The obvious answer is to apply pressure internally to continually pursue greatness. But wisdom might say, "not so fast." Without external pressure, the circumstances are less real. Internal pressure is cultivated pressure, but the pressure might be a bit misplaced. I find myself often applying pressure internally toward things that don't matter, until external pressure forces my attention to the things that really do.

This morning, I consider that I have to consider greatness in the context of external pressures. Not that I want to be responsive to all external pressure, because some external pressures come from others' insides. If I'm choosing to ignore some of my own internal pressure, then surely I must be choosy about adopting others' internal pressures. Likewise I have to be choosy about external pressures. Which ones lead to greatness?

What is greatness? Well, that may be a question now too big for me to answer. But focusing my attention on pressures that are real, and being responsive to those, I may be able to better find out.

Heavenly Father, I consider a great deal that does not amount to much. Help me stop that. Not all of that, as I know that the path to where You would have me go is not linear. Nonetheless, to stay in a place of triviality and smallness is also not a destiny You might prepare for a child of a King. In my own small way, in the way of Your greatness, let me respond to real pressures.

In Jesus Name,

Amen

Interesting update:

As I was listening to the Horse and His Boy, I was struck by this quote:

“But one of the worst results of being a slave and being forced to do things is that when there is no one to force you any more you find you have almost lost the power of forcing yourself.” ― C.S. Lewis, The Horse and His Boy

I got to thinking I might be a tad off with my emphasis on external pressure. With the primacy on external pressure, where does that leave internal fortitude. I think the answer is "with God". God Himself applies external pressure to build internal fortitude; He aims for building in us the kind of stuff that can do the right thing independent of the situation, but it must be built. It is not there to begin with.