In reading Peterson's Traveling Light and thinking about the freedom way I'm bringing into focus some bad habits of mine. As I reflected on what to consider, I latched onto self-consciousness vs self-awareness; my initial thinking went something like this- self-consciousness... bad, self-awareness... good. Self-consciousness being that state of being tripped up and hindered with unnecessary rumination about yourself, and self-awareness being the useful guide of knowing yourself and how you show up in a setting.
As I read through articles comparing the two I found myself confirmed in my position, but also walked away with some useful advice for using SC to inform SA. Getting in touch with your body was one that I found most compelling. If we seek to be singularly human, that means continuity between our body and our minds. In Becky Chambers' second book there is a scene where Cidra is in dialogue with an Andrisk tattoo artist, who is explaining why she thinks tattoos are important (because imprinting your body with something from your mind helps to give some form of cognitive impact on the body and causes and remembrance loop written in your skin... rather than just your head).
Asking for feedback from those you trust is another easy way to get in touch with reality (which should ideally inform SA). My wife consistently confirms for me the negative qualities about myself that are brought to attention by others who I trust less, so my guess is that they're pretty much true. I tend to live in my own world, I can be rough and inconsiderate when trying to get across my point, and I think about the end-game (the glory!) more than the details to arrive there. And I'm a bit of a messy thinker, worse, I'm a rapid messy thinker, so it can be hard to keep up with my quick fire thoughts when I'm in that kind of mode.
The last point I'd like to consider, which can assist with moving from held within to living out is that of having success. It may seem counter-intuitive, but pursuing success, according to Peterson, is the anti-freedom path. That, he explains, is the path to constraint and conformity. Staying in the present requires that we constantly be in touch with the faith life, taking our direction from God. He reflects on Paul's writing that the Law is a tutor to bring us to grace, but that once grace is here we no longer have need of a tutor.
So, routines, asking for feedback, wearing on our bodies the things that remind us of who we are, these are all good rules. They lead to successful living. But success is not the point. Freedom is the point. Christ came to set us free, not to give us success. Certainly Christ wanted us to live successfully, but one goal supplants the other when it comes down to a duel between the two, unless, of course, success is being defined by being who God made us to be. So, rules are not a bad thing, but they should lead us to a place of clarity to where we have control of the rules, not to where the rules control us. That is the place of grace, which works through faith (eph 2:8).
Heavenly Father, I get caught up in myself. I, like the apostles squabbling with each other, want to be seen as the greatest. But do I want to be the greatest? If it were the latter, would I not do the things that would make me the greatest (luke 9:46-48)? Help me to prefer others, Lord, and to keep in front of me the torch of faith. Let me connect with You through that path so that I have light for my path (psalm 119:115).
In Jesus Name,
Amen
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-clarity/201909/can-you-be-too-self-aware
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200405/self-conscious-get-over-it
https://culturacolectiva.com/lifestyle/self-consciousness-vs-self-awareness
https://medium.com/@agnesfekete/the-difference-between-self-consciousness-and-self-awareness-6a08aeea2e7d
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