The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. Psalm 23:1
“It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.” ~ CS Lewis, The Weight of Glory
I am not certain, at this moment, how need, want, and desire relate to each other, but I have cleared a small passage of time to consider. Keys, in the way that women who care about you will do, was critical of my passiveness and indirectness. She's right. I tend to make recommendations by implication ("here's a potential problem"), rather than directly stating what I think should be done, and I tend to allow the offenses of others toward me to accumulate. To the latter, I think, at least in part, I am somewhat worried that my being offended is more attributable to my sensitivities than actual wrong-doing. I think to myself, "if I can just get stable enough that I'm not so offended all the time, I can see clearly as to which ills really need to be addressed and how to clear them".
This morning I started to consider the idea of assertiveness, and I wondered if it might not be the best thing. I mean, people make all kinds of assertions, right? And is that not a lot of the problem with the world? So many want to impose their will, and for so many others there is a desire for the will to become a won't. "Where is it coming from?" is the fundamental and response-altering question. It is the root that needs to be discerned in both ourselves and in others. Though, one can never consider themselves too assured of their own estimation of the inner workings of another. On the basis of good evidence, however...
Anyhow, in searching I found a triangle which puts desire at the base, wants in the middle, and needs at the top. I'm not exactly sure how that depiction works, but I agree with the idea that desires should be the basis for wants and needs, but the graphic is still missing something. From where do we draw our desire? If selfish ambition is our aim then our wants become for self-improvement, and our needs for self-advancement. And on some level we all have that. As we course through life, however, one would hope that we would connect to a foundation a little deeper. What are our deep rooted desires? Do they have implications for the betterment of others; is there any evidence to the lengths we will go to fulfill those desires? Have those desires been proven?
I feel like I have been pushed to the side at work, and it is uncomfortable, and I do not like it. I want to feel needed. But what is my desire here? Is it more about me and my fulfilling my goals for myself, or am I here for a greater purpose?
When David said, I shall not want, I think he was saying "no" to both the sense of want that implies he would be restless with unfulfillment, and the sense that he would allow himself to want anything. To the one, he was saying, "I shall not want, I am trusting God to fulfill my needs and wants." To the other, he was saying, "I will not want, I will rather DESIRE!"
Want is a flimsy propulsion system. It peters out just as it gets going. And it's precariously inaccurate. One moment you're going this way, and then that. If we can orient ourselves to needs, we might have a better shot at drawing from the power of desire. Needs tap into something deeper. What do I need to be fulfilled? And if we can go a step further and ask why do I need that?, we may come to find a rumbling desire. These desires must be found if we are to live well. They are not the same as wants, which fling to this way and that. Desires are a deep seeded part of us, and they are there to push us in the right direction if only we can find where it is rumbling.
As for assertiveness, when we are guided by our needs oriented to our profound desires, assertiveness should take care of itself. After all, we should not allow anything to stop what is right, right?! Just be sure to check in with others and make sure that you are not being a complete ass.
Heavenly Father, I am sure that I have been an ass. I have pushed for things that were far too meager to deserve the effort that I gave them, or the time, or the space. Constantly I feel that wrong is being done to me, and it is a very small place. Confining. Singular. Help me to find the desires that You have put in me, to find where those desires meet the desires You have for me. And let me proceed with the authority that You give me to be more than a conqueror, a steward of all You have given.
In Jesus Name,
Amen
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