In the Morning When I Rise

Below are some notes from a Max Lucado blurb from his new book about anxiety (Anxious for Nothing), which apparently 110,000 people are going through now (he's put it up online for free). Pick what you ponder, just because you have a thought, doesn't mean that you have to think it. You can be the air traffic controller of your mental airport. Proverbs 4:23 - Be careful what you think because your thoughts run your life. Thoughts come from the outside and get into our head. The devil is to hope what termites are to an oak, he will eat us up from the inside. Phil 4:4 - Think on those things (God-based). Coronavirus Check-in: Think About What You Think About (3.30.2020) It's one of those things that is easier said than done, and seems quite obvious (and again) easy. But the amount of people that do terrible things, to themselves and others, is evidence that we have real difficulty with thought management. As I consider my own thought life and how I've been...

Jess and I have been going through the struggles of middle-aged-ness. I've gotten heavier. I'm searching for renewed meaning in the face of the consistent sameness I experience on the day to day. Our sex life is lacking something. For Jess, I think the same things could be said. At the same time, there is a lot to be excited about! We're moving out of home ownership into a "lighter" way of living, considering job prospects and next options, and wondering about school for Sadie. I come to find that no matter the age, there is always a lot going on. But each age has its characteristic struggles. As I come on my 40s, I have a lot to think about regarding the way I do life. It's a pivotal age in considering how long I want to do life. Given my family's age, how well I want to do life. And given my own disposition, how much do I want out of life? These considerations really began at sex. I was thinking about quality vs quantity, and how the God way of ...

As I continue to think about this crossroads my family and I are on, I continue to think about the changes I have long wanted to make, that have long been with me. Recently, Booker and I spoke about aging, and losing a few steps. He had recently missed a criteria in a competition, he used tri-boards rather than a PPT, and he was embarrassed and reflective about it. I assured him that he was still sharp as a tack, but that he had not been pushed to excellence. This morning I come round about to that idea again. "You can't have diamonds without pressure", is the classic adage. Keys has said it, "I am intrinsically motivated, but I'm not being pushed to be my best". I feel the same way. But as I'm being reflective on the whole, I advance insight into home life. There are areas of my love life, my weight, hobby production, that I wish were more accomplished. But they're not. And if they're not, it's because there is no real pressure to make t...

It's been quite a while since I've sat down to write down goals and map out plans to get there. I used to do this thing all the time when I was out of work living in Brooklyn. I would write down all of these details about the things I wanted to do (Bookbinding, Screen Printing, Music, etc). This was the era of David Allen and get things done. Much of that has stayed with me. As I look back, I became something of a productivity automaton. Not very crazy, as I have read about others being, but in my own haphazard way, I was one, too. Over the past several years there has not been quite the same reflective time, or maybe I have not thought that I needed it. But with my wife consistently telling me that I put too high a premium on work, that I'm not there to meet hers and the families needs, and with me thinking about friendships (or the lack of them) here in Memphis, my continued overweightness, and a few other messy features about myself, I consider that it is time to do...

Sometimes you just need to vent. You need to speak your crazy out loud to someone who understands, who can identify with you, so that you don't feel so crazy after all. Yesterday, I had a day. I felt I was left on my own to keep all in order, while everyone else was out of the building having a grand old time. I wanted to have a good time, too. But, I could resign myself to the work that needed to be done, and that someone had to stay in the building. But it would have been nice for someone to check on me. And someone did. Keys! And I vented. And she understood. This has been a year of self-examination. I have come to see how self-absorbed I have been (I'm not sure the self-examination is helping me get my eyes off myself). How I want my ideas to be the ones that are put forward. Not the teams ideas, and not necessarily the best ideas. If I'm being honest. Listening to the BFG, there was a dream that Sophie read in the BFG's cave which read something to the e...

So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. Rom 7:21 How true I have discovered Paul's words to be. I reflect over the past decades, and my most recent thoughts, and I see that, yes, God has been with me. Yes, He has brought me to a high place. And though I seek to drink from His fount, there is poison in the water. If poison is indeed in the water, to survive and thrive, I will need a process of filtration to purify. The cleansing of His word, the filtration of impurities provided by it, seems like the right approach. I may never be a "rock star" Christian, but continuing on until the end, I may be a "mere" one. Heavenly Father, I have allowed certain habits of mind to persist. Lust, resignation, laziness. These are my crosses to bear, or so I think. Help me to hand them over to You, who have borne THE Cross. I find it such a challenge, this life of faith, especially the older I get. But, at the same time, I ca...