In the Morning When I Rise

I can be frantic. I can move frantically. I reason that it's good and that the impulse for it is urgency, but as I examine myself, I see the output is a bit crazed. I looked up a few things this morning, that I thought went together: Perfectionism Slowing down Freneticness Urgency There is tension in these words. Slowing down is what I need to do, because I'm missing so much of life. Urgency is what I feel at work, though not necessarily at home, and it's what gives rise to much of my anxiety. Perfection is what I cannot attain in my work life pursuits, because we don't have the time to sit and make perfect solutions. Freneticness is the outcome of my reason being seared by the collision of urgency, perfection, and the desire to slow down. As I read through the material I had looked up, I noticed the relationships between each. Some more terms emerged that I hadn't initially thought of: Excellence Self-Orientation "Shoulds" Opportunity ...

My wife continues to be frustrated by my commitment to work. She sees it more as addiction, at the very least over-commitment. We see things differently. But, that we sees things differently is a given. We are different people. The thing to think about is what next? Given that we think about things differently, how do we have shared experience... desirable shared experience? I think that some of it is tied into my last post: concessions must be made. We have to compromise. I read something cool from the Gottman's that a couple would ask each other "how high does this rank for you?" Whoever had the higher number would get the accommodation. What a beautifully simple way to handle things. Of course, it would require honesty and reflection to work. If one person always said 10, so that they always got their way, that would be dishonest. Or if it wasn't dishonest due to how compelled one person one felt to their own way, then reflection would hopefully mitigate the...

Yesterday my wife, as she often does, helped me understand my dilemma at work. She also posed how my dilemmas at work impose on our relationship. To address the former, she said, "the only time I can think of that is similar to yours is the Teaching Fellows summer, where I had much higher expectations than those around me. The only way that I could have made it work was to completely get on their level. It didn't happen." She proceeded to tell me how she feels like I have two wives: her and work. I've been thinking a lot these days about seeing things in a different way. I, as all people, possess a way that I have acquired, and so think it right for the most part. Not that I can't learn from others, or others' ideas can't form mine, but, again for the most part, I am making concessions to others so that we can build something better together. But it is a "concession". As I write, I wonder if that is such a bad thing. People being who they ...

It is amazing to allow others to speak into your life. It is not that they see what you do not (although sometimes they do), but they are often able to bring the right elements for consideration into focus. My brain, awash in the many elements that comprise existence, is often afloat at sea. There are so many things to consider, which is most important? With ears open, you hear what you need to. And what I heard yesterday was "pith". Be pithy! I tend to over say it. Over do it. Be outlandish. And I think all of that could be fine, even appreciated, if I could add an element of pithy to the delivery. If I could start with a condensed form of the problem with a smiling hint at the solution then others would be greatly appreciative of the work that I put in to deliver them the goods. But, I told Brooks yesterday, and I was not kidding, that I think that I may have some disability there. My lips arrive at the conclusion my brain had come to as they speak, which helps my ...

Recently I read a Gottman's Marriage Minute post: Brick by Brick. In Science PLC this week we talked about bringing a weakness to the table, and I'm thinking I'm going to bring my know-it-all-ness; combined with my impatience it leads to jumping way ahead of where we actually are, justifying the leap because "I know what we have to do". Evidence: we were supposed to do a Priority Tasks activity with teachers to develop a 4 week plan. Brooks said, you can't start at the plan if the people don't know how to properly plan. With Jess, I want to be further down the road than we are. I want the knowing glances between us to course deeper than they do. We are sooner to quarrel than hug. Joking is dangerous ground between us. The chance for misunderstanding is so high. And, of course, we have reasons. We are stretched thin, we are maxed, we don't have room for anything above our current considerations. And when we offer something, we want it to be receive...